Egg Beaters? Curb Stomped.

This morning started like any other- Marlowe the Quaker parrot sang us the song of his people well before the alarm clock actually went off, and the daily stumble for caffeine began.  We are currently without a coffee pot, so each morning we boil water in the kettle and make a cuppa, and then pour the remaining water over a coffee filter nestled into a ceramic pitcher.  It’s a slow process that produces crap for coffee, but it’s coffee.  I really need to pick up a new coffee maker.

But I digress.
With the beverages set to boil on the stove, I turned to breakfast.  A turn through the fridge produced no eggs, but there, sitting dead center on the top shelf was a box of Egg Beaters.  I cut up mushrooms and peppers for the pot and sauteed them with a bit of butter, making a mental note to tell Jay not share his morning omelette with the parrot today.  In went the Egg Beaters and a splash of milk, and in less than a minute, oily bubbles of nastiness were rising up through the mixture.  Yes, I did use a bit of butter, but I have cooked this morning mixture many times with actual eggs, and never seen that result.  Did I use too much butter?  Just what exactly is in those Egg Beaters?  
Well, It turns out that Egg Beaters are only 99% egg.  The rest is crap.  Salt, oil, yadda yadda- crap.  Yuck!!  A brief and polite conversation (okee, fine, a bit of a fit in the kitchen about idiot marketing and purchasing FRESH ingredients) took place, in which I was told that Egg Beaters were easy to measure out for use in both cooking and baking.  To which I replied that actual eggs were created pre-measured already. And besides- Have you ever seen a recipe that called for half an egg?  Ever ever?  Yeah- me either.
Anyhoo, I cooked on.  Waste not, want not, right?  The  final result is that the Egg Beaters are runny, processed and oily on the plate.  Jay is eating them, but we both know that this is the first and last time we will ever purchase that product.
I have a great difficulty in large department and grocery stores, so Jay does most of the shopping from a list I provide.  He does, bless his heart, try to find creative ways to ease the work on my hands whenever possible…
Sometimes, turning Jay loose in a grocery store can be a bit of an experience.  He has high standards for good food, (we are going to ignore the Egg Beaters purchase.) but he also tends to over complicate things.  I never know exactly what he is going to come home with!
We are due for another trip, so we shall see what makes it onto the list.  I’ve got designs on stuffed peppers!
About Pea Kay

Pea Kay, otherwise known as Tonks, The Unhinged Knitter, moonlights at night as an infamous Cupcake Warrior. To learn more about what she does, visit the core pages of!

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